Dave Stone
By Ashley Andrews, 700 Club Interactive
CBN.com –STAY ON TARGET
When it comes to parenting, there are no tricks of the trade. But for Dave Stone, there are a few parenting methods that can ensure you have selfless kids. "No parent leaves the maternity wing with the stated goal of raising that little bundle of joy to become a self-absorbed, spoiled brat who is oblivious to the needs of others. But even well-intentioned parents can lose their focus, and when they do, it affects their aim." Now, as a parent, he explained that it is easy to get distracted. It is bound to happen. But it is vital that we stay on target and not lose sight of the mark. While that may sound simple enough, Dave points out that it is not popular.
"It's not the way of modern American society. It's not even the way most Christians live in the world. The target is not success or happiness or financial security or personal fulfillment. It's not adulation or appreciation or applause. It's nothing more than living out the example Jesus gave us. The target is raising children who are others-oriented." You won't raise kids to be selfless by accident. For that to happen, Dave argued that you have to raise your family differently. You can't expect it to be easy either. After all, he mentioned, "We are a society of the entitled," so much so that we don't even recognize it. But what can we expect when our children are raised as though they are the center of the universe? For Dave, it all comes down to how we treat our children - or rather, how they are conditioned.
CONDITIONING
"Remember studying Pavlov's experiments in psychology class? Ring the bell, put out the food. Ring the bell, put out the food. Doesn't take long before the dog starts salivating at the first ring of the bell whether or not the food is there. It's called conditioning. And we condition our children. We teach our sons and daughters what to expect by the way we treat them. If they're constantly surrounded by a gushing audience, constantly told how wonderful they are, how will they learn to put others first? If everything they want magically appears on a silver platter, how are they going to learn the value of work and sharing and generosity?
He went on to say that it is, "No wonder American children grow up with an ego-driven worldview where everything centers around their selfish desires. No wonder your four-year-old throws tantrums, and your fourteen-year-old thinks the universe revolves around him. Maybe your puppies are salivating because you keep ringing the bell. What will it take to turn the tide of selfishness-both for us and for our families? Well, it's a process. It will demand intentional teaching, frequent modeling, and a lot of time. And if you do, I promise you that you will reap rewards for many years to come. It won't be easy. But it will have an ongoing effect in the lives of our children and grandchildren. It will leave a rich legacy for those who come after us. It might even change the world."
PRIORITIES
According to Dave, in order to have selfless children, you need to set your sights on Jesus. That means putting down the electronics and signing off the social media for a bit. As Dave put it, "Make no mistake...If you give your smartphone more attention than you give your loved ones, don't be surprised when video games and Facebook outrank you in your child's eyes." In other words, until you prove that you value people over things, your children will never honor others. "In a world where every kid gets a trophy for just showing up and wish fulfillment is a daily expectation, we parents live in a way that is contrary to our culture..." he said. So it is vital that parents rely on Scripture - not products. But how exactly can you do that?
Well, as Dave described, you can serve the server, let the last be first, encourage one another and watch your manners.
You have to maintain a "more of you and less of me attitude." It's like this, "There's an internal battle taking place. Our sin nature tells us we are more important than others, but God's Word teaches we're not. In line with Scripture, then, one way we honor others is by respecting them, being polite, looking out for their needs above ours."
MOTIVES
For Dave it is important to remember that "whatever you are trying to teach your kids, you must first do yourself." But along with that, we have to ensure that we have humility. And this is where it gets tricky. As Dave shared, "Service as an act of humility? No wonder my plan backfired. Whether you are fifteen or fifty, pride and service don't mix." So what is the solution? For Dave, "The measure of greatness is not the number of servants you have; it's the number of people you serve...If you want to teach your kids to serve for the right reason, teach them to adopt a Christ-like attitude that places others above themselves." A pure motive is when you serve when no one's watching, when there's no benefit for you, when the one you're serving is not appreciative, when you find true joy in helping someone else, and when you sacrifice where you'd like to be and what you'd like to be doing in order to keep a commitment to serve.
START EARLY
We have a sin nature from birth, and "Every sin we commit can be traced back to selfishness or pride...One of the first words out of your toddler's mouth is 'Mine!'...We adults aren't immune either." But one way we can teach kids to be selfless is tithing. For Dave and his wife, they taught their kids, "You can't out-give God. As a parent you can be very deliberate in your teaching. If your child receives an allowance, you might say...'Here are ten quarters. God tells us to give back to Him at least one of the ten we've received, so we'll set that one aside first.' The simple act of teaching your children to give at least 10 percent to God can have a profound impact on them. They are learning that God can do more with 90 percent than they themselves can do with 100 percent."
ENCOURAGEMENT
In today's world, it is easy to get swallowed up by disappointment. It's also easy to become, as Dave put it, "crabby." He shared, "We're swimming in a sea of sarcasm. We gossip and talk back and spew out negativity...But that's not the way Jesus lived." Jesus is in everyone's corner. He's the ultimate cheerleader. And like Him, we need to adopt a spirit of encouragement. "Encouragement breathes life into people. It gives them a second chance. When our kids were younger and our family would pull up to school or to someone's home, Beth or I would say, 'Let's have our antennae up!' This was code language for 'Look for ways God can use you to encourage someone.' Planting seeds in your children's minds gives them an awareness of the role they can play in honoring others."
WHAT IS IT ALL ABOUT?
We have all asked ourselves, what is it all about? What's the point? And for Dave the answer is simply this: "It's about giving rather than getting. It's about playing second fiddle and letting your light shine. It's about opening your hands and your heart and your home. It's about extending radical grace to people who don't deserve it, and lifting others up even when it costs you. It's about others. Life on earth is not just about you. It's not just about now; it's about eternity. It's a process. It's a journey. And it's never too late to get on the road." And in the end, the keys to raising selfless children are intentionality, authenticity, repetition and prayer. "Lots and lots of prayer."