Dr. Henry Cloud
By Ashley Andrews, 700 Club Interactive
CBN.com –"CATFISH" - DEFINITION
When live cod were shipped to Asia from North America, they were placed in tanks by
themselves. By the time they reached the Asian markets, their flesh had become mushy.
Eventually, fishermen realized that putting catfish in the tanks would keep the cod
active during the trip - thus solving the problem of mushy fish.
BUYER BEWARE
You can find anything online these days, even love. And everyone is looking for that special someone - fifty-four million people to be exact. And out of all those lonely hearts, over forty million have joined dating websites. And, of course, every one of them has a Facebook profile...or two. So with all this change in technology and communication, it's no wonder that people have traded face-to-face connections for electronic ones. But is that good? If online dating has proven anything it's that you should never judge a person by their profile. Internet-based romances have taken the term "blind date" to a whole new level, literally. Anyone can be the "love of your life" - all it takes is a little bit of creative liberty and copy/pasting. We all know that "lives in own house" could actually mean "crashes in parent's basement," "modelesque features" could actually mean "a face only a mother could love," "parties all night" could actually mean "old enough to know better" and "she" could actually mean "he." But that is the catch with online dating. All it takes is the right bait, and you're hooked.
GO FISH
In 2010, a film titled "Catfish" hit theaters. Moviegoers packed theaters fully expecting to be scared out of their minds. And for the most part, they were. The mysterious thriller told the tale of Yaniv Schulman, a young photographer who met a too-good-to-be-true musician/dancer named Megan via Facebook. For months, they talked on the phone, texted almost every hour, shared stories of their family and chatted about the future - their future. Before he knew it, he had fallen head over heels in love with a girl he had never actually me. And as it turned out, he never would. His dream girl did not exist. He had been fooled - baited and hooked. The girl he had fallen for was a mere figment of another woman's imagination. And needless to say, his tech romance ended soon after that. The scam, however (which was aptly named "catfish"), kept on. In fact, it has become somewhat of a trend.
Last year, Yaniv took MTV's offer to take "catfish" and nationalize it. In November, "Catfish" became a TV show, and since then, Yaniv and his trusty cameraman have exposed the "catfish" in twelve internet-based relationships. Some lied about their appearance and some lied about their careers. A few lied about themselves, claiming to be someone else entirely. But despite the lies, a few of them decided to stick together. Still, that wasn't the case with Notre Dame's own Manti Te'o.
Not long ago, Te'o fell victim to the "catfish" scam, when his online girlfriend was pronounced dead in September of 2012. A few months after her death, reports revealed that his girlfriend had never even existed. Then, days later, headlines shared that she was, in fact, real after all - the only hitch was that she was actually a he, and he was actually an acquaintance of Te'o's. Since that discovery, Te'o has shared the voicemails he received from his alleged girlfriend, proving that he "sounds like a girl."
WHAT DR. CLOUD HAS TO SAY...
"The shocking revelation over Notre Dame linebacker Manti T'eo's virtual relationship with a girlfriend he believed to be dead, and later realized never existed, led many to label him as 'gullible.' In hindsight, considering just the facts, it's easy to come to that conclusion. But when the psychological principles that led to T'eo's betrayal are better understood, there are many lessons in this example that apply to the rest of us. I'd be remiss to not add that details are still emerging as to whether T'eo had any involvement in the 'hoax' but it's worth diving into the fact that in our mobile world, for many folks, virtual relationships have replaced real, human relationships."
Virtual relationships may seem like the better option at first. As Dr. Cloud explained, "The fact is that in some ways, virtual relationships can be more powerful, in the short term, than real relationships, because of the mind's ability to use fantasy. Fantasizing can create psychological, physical and chemical realities that are extremely powerful. For example," he shared, "relationships built on fantasy often seem, at first, to be more gratifying than real relationships, because there are fewer negative realities to deal with. Virtual relationships are also emotionally gratifying, because people are able to deny real problems and disillusionment by focusing on the positive things that they like about the person or the fantasy. Virtual relationships are therefore very tempting for people who are relationally immature, or have difficulty sustaining a real relationship, because virtual relationships are not subject to any of the problems associated with reality. It truly is Disneyland over and over again."
But, no relationship is completely free from problems. As he described, "Ultimately, problems with virtual relationships arise when those involved either bring in real problems, like 'I want more from you,' or they hit the limit that non face to face relationships have. Relationships, at their deepest level, are also physical. By that I do not mean sexual, but face to face. The power of being in the physical presence of another person delivers real benefits. Physical means being physically present with another person, maintaining eye contact, body language, and face-to-face interaction. The physicality of a real relationship - one that encompasses mind, body and soul - ultimately makes it more fulfilling and powerful than any virtual relationship ever could be. Physical presence provides chemical, relational, psychological and physiological effects that virtual relationships cannot. Our brains change in the presence of another person and their behavior." And, Dr. Cloud continued, "Consequently, at some point, for a virtual relationship to become real, those involved must establish a physical relationship. In T'eo's case, that never came to be - and the story ended like so many others do: in a vapor of fantasy."