Mark Merrill
By Ashley Andrews, 700 Club Interactive
CBN.com –THE FIRST FUNDAMENTAL
If you want to be an All-Pro football player, you have to love the sport. And for Mark Merrill, the same goes for fatherhood. "Just as knowing and executing the fundamentals of football are key to a player becoming an All-Pro, knowing and executing the fundamentals of fatherhood better and more consistently than everyone else are key to a father becoming an All-Pro," he said. And for football as well as fatherhood, the first and the greatest fundamental is love. "Unfortunately," he shared, "many miss the real mark of love...Love's power is apparent. But its essence can be tough to grasp. Bookstores and shelves in homes are filled with books on what love is, how to love, what love does and does not do..." But it's still tough to define.
We tend to apply the word love to everything. From material objects to food, Merrill pointed out that we encounter many things throughout the day that "may be appealing and pleasing to our senses...but it's not the right application of our love." Instead, "Love," he stressed, "is an action and we must choose to show it to others even when we think they don't deserve it...you can't lead your family effectively without it."
THE SECOND FUNDAMENTAL
When it comes to leadership, we are taught to leave our hearts out of it. And we have accepted it because leading has to do with strength and authority. But, Merrill disagrees. He said that, "Love is leadership's unseen essential...infusing love into an organization, as well as the home, delivers a better ROI than any other single investment you can make. Great organizations and great families are fueled by loving leaders." What's more, he continued, "Our capacity to love will expand exponentially as we die to self. And as expand our capacity to love, we'll also expand our capacity to lead. Can a leader 'get by' without loving? Sure, but leadership - love = limited leadership - limited in breadth and depth. Leadership + love = lasting leadership."
STATS
* 34 % of children in the US live without their father.
* 62% of children in prison grew up without a dad.
* Americans, fathers included, spend an average of 4 hours a day watching television.
* On average, married fathers spend less than 1 hour a day interacting with their kids.
THE 7 M'S
Merrill says there are certain things that every dad should know to make them an "All Pro Dad", and he calls them the "7 M's."
1) Make-up. Who Am I? In order to be a stable dad, Merrill insists that you have to know who you are. And, if you know who you are and what gifts you possess, then you will be able to raise a family who are secure in their identity and abilities as well.
2) Mind-set. What's my purpose? As far as Merrill is concerned, being a father means being a CEO. Raising your child is up to you - not your neighbor, or their friends, or their teachers or the TV. So, it's vital that you have goals and expectations set for you and your family, which will keep you in the right mindset.
3) Motive. Why do I do what I do? Before you can lead with your heart, you have to do a few things. 1) Check your heart, 2) guard your heart, 3) set you heart and 4) invest your heart. It's easy to get caught up in frustrations, "feelings" and desires. But if we are constantly watching our heart, then our motives will stay true. "Motive," Merrill shared, "is a heart issue. So lead your heart and strive for the purest motives."
4) Method. How can I better love my family? For Merrill, having a method means following a set of rules. 1) Your Spouse is not the enemy, 2) your spouse is on your team, 3) your tongue has remarkable power and 4) you must love your unlovable spouse. If you heed all of these, then you can better love your family.
5) Model. What should I model to my children? According to Merrill, consistence is key. You can't compartmentalize life. You can't be one way at work, one way with friends and another way at home. You have to be aware of your children's feelings. You have to set aside time for them. And you have to take action to meet those needs.
6) Message. What do I need to share with others? Your message is individual, unique. And ultimately, Merrill suggested, "your message should be something of eternal value that you have to share with others because of your love for them, not because you get anything in return."
7) Master. Who or what am I living for? Trust God with your head and your heart. Build your foundation on Him and His plan for you. For as Merrill sees it, any other foundation will eventually give in.
5 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR KIDS EVERY DAY
As far as Merrill is concerned, there are a few things that every All Pro Dad should say to their kids every day.
"'Hey, Junior, I love you.' Love-and we've talked about this before-is one of those qualities that's never subject to inflation. 'I love you' doesn't lose its effectiveness when it's said on a regular basis. Tell your kids you love them. Say it every day. Say it several times a day."
"'So, Buddy, what are your plans for the day?' This is not just about knowing, but about interest. It means a lot to kids that their dad cares what they're up to and takes the time to compare notes. 'Here's my business planner,' you could say. 'I've got three big meetings. What do you have scheduled for the day?'"
"'I am so grateful to be your dad.' Our children need to know how we feel about being their dad. So much is lost when communication breaks down and kids stop relating to their dad or mom as whole, feeling beings. We're not talking about manipulation drama here. We're talking about communicating some of the passion and joy we feel in response to the ongoing privilege of parenting."
"'Have a great day at school, and don't forget who you are.' Your child is growing into his identity-his sense of self-each and every day. The most important attribute is his identity as a child of God. Your family name may be Smith or Wagner or Hernandez, but your child's identity always has been and always will be 'Made in the Image of God.' Remind him of that every day."
"'Words of Affirmation.' The idea here is encouragement, 'out loud' belief and a 'heads up' positive direction into the day. It's about repeated, ingrained affirmation delivered with the firm conviction of loving your children and believing in them. Do this every day. Deliver your lines with sincerity, and make them count."
LEAVING A LEGACY
In the end, Merrill shared this: "Five generations from now, it is likely that our professional accomplishments will be forgotten. In fact, our descendants may know little about us or our lives. But the way we parent today will directly affect not only our children but also our grandchildren, our great-grandchildren, and the generations that follow. We will leave a legacy. What will yours be?"