Mary Lou Quinlan
By Ashley Andrews, 700 Club Interactive
CBN.com –On May 29, 2006, Memorial Day, Mary Lou Quinlan lost her mother to cancer. Soon after, she and her family came across her mother's God Box - a box full of twenty-year-old prayers written out on scraps of paper. Now little more than six years later, Mary Lou is sharing her mother's gift of faith and love to all who have suffered loss.
A MOTHER'S GIFT OF FAITH AND LOVE
Mary Lou was named after her mother. The two were best friends. She described herself as "daddy's girl," but she also insisted she is her "mother's daughter." Mary Lou shared that she spent her "life trying to get an A, even an A+, in daughter...Perhaps," she continued, "it's inevitable that we become our mothers, but I was my mother from the start. We both loved sexy shoes and scary movies. We both worked in advertising, disliked braggarts and beat ourselves up if we hurt anyone's feelings. My hips are uneven, just like hers, but unfortunately, she gave her beautiful curly red hair to my brother Jack instead of me."
As Mary Lou described, her mother loved every moment of life. "She was always up for a good time, turning up the volume if Willie Nelson was on the radio, dressing up her khakis with a bangle belt just to go out for breakfast. Even at eighty-two, Mom was the life of our party. None of us felt as shiny without her in the room."
Mary Lou's mom was a woman of faith. In fact, as she remembered, her mother was "holier than the rest of the family." But, Mary Lou clarified, "she wasn't a holy roller, if you know what I mean." She was a prayer warrior for anyone who needed it, and she took every need and concern to prayer - no matter how big or small. "I miss so much about Mom, especially the way she could make me feel that everything would be okay. She could solve any situation, from a scraped knee to a broken heart, with a prayer. She prayed for every need, hurt or hiccup that hit Dad, Jack and me, and our spouses and kids, as well as friends and neighbors. Mom was so naturally empathetic that even strangers poured out their troubles to her. She always promised to keep everyone in her prayers, no matter what their religion or beliefs. She inhaled a worry. She exhaled a prayer...Deep inside, she just believed."
Her mother was a devoted Catholic. "She relied on a pretty standard Catholic repertoire of novenas and rosaries and Mass for whatever ailed Dad or Jack or me," Mary Lou remarked. "Every once in a while she would call the Sisters of St. Joseph to ask them to put in a good word Upstairs if one of us was sick or a big exam was coming up." And as they all got older, her mother's prayers got bigger. From careers and homes, to kids and health, there was no shortage in prayers. "We had busy, challenging careers and lives up north," she said, "and Mom was separated from us by so many miles. The passing years brought new health problems for both of my parents. And, once Mom had more free time in Florida, her empathetic nature attracted an ever-expanding list of people who adopted her as their personal counselor as soon as they met her. Their concerns became hers. Mom needed a better way to cope with the growing list of worries weighing on her shoulders and her mind. That's when the God Box was born."
In order to keep up with every prayer, Mary Lou's mom began writing down her petitions on random scraps of paper. She would pray for each one, fold it several times and then place it into her box trusting for God's resolution and provision. It became a part of her faith, she shared. "Whenever we had a hope or a concern, Mom would cheerfully offer, 'I'll put it in the God Box.' Just hearing that made me feel like my issue of the moment was somehow worthy. If it was important to me, it was important to Mom. And if it was important to Mom, into the God Box it went...That's what the God Box was - a place to contain her runaway worries. Once in the God Box, she let her worries go into God's hands. She had a rule for anything that she put in on our behalf: 'I'll put it in the box, but if you keep bringing up that same worry because you think you can handle it better, it's coming out of the box!' She said it enough to make even type A me knock off the re-worrying and let it go for a while. It wasn't about the box - it was about letting go..."
LETTING GO...
For years, Mary Lou and her mom had shared a "code" for their closeness. After every phone call, every goodbye, they would say "Hands on" to each other. This meant, she shared, "We were always together, even when living apart." Mary Lou whispered it to her mother the night she passed away. And while that was their last time together here on earth, it would not be the last time Mary Lou's mom spoke to her.
The day before her mom's funeral, Mary Lou and her father and brother were preparing for the day ahead. "We felt like dishrags," she described. "Dad kept shuffling from room to room. He couldn't even look at Mom's recliner, so still next to his. Jack pretended to care about the work on his laptop. I threw myself into every detail of preparing the service because 'doing' is what I do best...We were each picking at our takeout dinner on the back porch when Jack asked, 'Where's Mom's God Box?' The three of us looked at each other, forks in midair. For all the times she had mentioned it, Mom had never told us where she kept her little cache of prayers." They looked through drawers, desks, bookshelves, under the bed, everywhere. Then finally, Mary Lou found it - the God Box, or boxes as it were. That night they found ten God Boxes, all stuffed with dozens of tiny handwritten messages to God. They were shocked. "My father, brother and I always knew Mom loved us and knew that she placed petitions for us in her God Box, but it wasn't until we found this treasure that we truly realized just how deeply and unselfishly she cared for so many years."
Mary Lou and her mom were very close, but the God Box made Mary Lou wish she knew her mother even more. "I still wished I knew more of what she held in her heart. By reading the contents of the box, I would come to understand the unspoken pain and fear she shielded from us, the daily depth of her devotion to our family, the breadth of her empathy. The God Box would turn out to be our favorite heirloom, handmade by Mom herself. The slips of paper told the story of what mattered most to her, all in her signature candor and soulful voice." But it wasn't just notes to God that Mary Lou would find. Not long after the funeral, she came across a note in her old jewelry box. It was from her mother, and it simply said, "I love you. You will always be in my God Box."
Over the next few months, Mary Lou would come to learn more about her mother's heart and faith. She was so touched by her mom's God Box that she decided to share her story with others. It started with a short essay online. Within days, Mary Lou saw a tremendous response from readers. "I heard from women who missed the mothers they had lost, as well as from those lucky enough to still be close with their moms. Some wrote that, despite being distant from their own parents, they had started the God Box tradition so that someday their own children would know how loved they were...Their letters caused me to dig deeper into my mom's God Box. The more I reread what she had written, the more I realized that these notes filled with loving words were more than mementos. Fingering each slip of paper, I could reclaim her sparkle and common sense, her humor and optimism, and-above all-her enduring spirit. And ever my guardian angel, Mom would continue to teach me about myself, even after her death. Since her passing, pieces of her personality and spirit have become part of me. Her influence showed gradually at first-a change of heart, a gesture of kindness-until at last I came to understand that her greatest gift wasn't inside the God Box, but in the lessons she taught me that transformed my life for good."
Shortly before her father died, Mary Lou decided to write The God Box. She told her father who "clapped his hands together and grinned from ear to ear" in approval. "Your mother would be so thrilled!" he said to her. Along with the book, Mary Lou also started thegodboxproject.com. There she posts her prayers and memories, encouraging others to do the same. As she shared on her blog, "I am opening the boxes and my heart and stepping into a world beyond my everyday business life, where words like 'God' and 'mother' and 'daughter' and 'love' and 'faith' can sometimes feel out of place. But The God Box is about living our lives with compassion and hope and admitting that sometimes we all need a place to give over our cares and find release and peace." For Mary Lou, the book is her way of sharing her mother's "gift of faith, love and letting go."
TODAY
Both Mary Lou's mother and father were taken by cancer. Also, Mary Lou and her sister-in-law have had their own cancer experiences as well. Because of this, Mary Lou has decided to devote the profits of The God Box to local cancer and hospice care charities. Along with thegodboxproject.com and speaking, Mary Lou also stars in "The God Box" play, in which she plays herself and her mom. For now, she plans to keep writing and keep praying.