Bishop Harry R. Jackson, Jr.
CBN.com –BACK TO THE BASICS
Marriage can be a battlefield according to Brishop Jackson. In a culture permeated with divorce he says getting back to the basics is a necessity in order to "withstand the forces that seek to erode the stability of our families." In tough times it is a choice to run the race in such a way to get the prize (1 Cr. 9:24) or "limp along in a half-hearted effort." We are to resolve to make our homes places that glorify God, filled with His peace and presence. Some of the setbacks to marriage harmony are found in unresolved issues, past hurts and lack of identity in God. Fortunately God is invested in our growth process. He will guide us through as we determine to make Jesus Christ to Lord of our marriage and family.
T.R.U.E.
T.R.U.E. is an acrostic for Trust, Respect, Understanding, and Expressed Love. Bishop Jackson calls these the "four relational aspects vital to developing strength and vigor" in a relationship. Trust is not always automatic it is created over time. However, this does not mean that a healthy trusting relationship is without conflict. In fact, healthy conflict can be good for building trust instead of suppressing unaddressed issues, which can fuel emotional distance and distrust. Men and women can both have different perspective on respect, but both need to feel respected, understood and loved according to their love language. Children also respond to these aspects of trust.
SUCCESSFUL FAMILY
A successful family doesn't necessarily look at the temporal things. It looks like imperfect people coming together to achieve something great for God's glory. "We need to think of our homes as a refuge, a stronghold we can run to in times of trouble." This takes time to build; it takes trust, respect, understanding, and expressed love.
VISION & A PLAN
We need specific goals for our families that reflect God's vision for the family in general and uniquely for each individual. Here are four questions to ask when making family decisions:
1. How do my family and I influence others, make a difference, and leave a legacy in Christ?
2. How do I measure the impact of my choices?
3. How do I keep my family motivated to walk with me in Christ?
4. How do I keep overwhelming emotions and frustrations to a minimum as I "fight the good fight" for my family?
COMMUNICATION
Men and women have very different communication preferences. This can lead to trouble and misunderstood intentions. In addition, our life paradigms shape the way we communicate and perceive another person's words. It is important to learn the other spouse's style of communication in order to reduce communication barriers and improve conflict resolution. Bishop Jackson says, "If we work through our conflicts in a healthy, open-minded, and fair manner, our marriages will become stronger." He says that there are benefits to "laying everything on the table," gaining insight into our mate's perspectives and not allowing issues to fester. By "fighting fair" we are addressing issues with pure motives to work toward resolutions that will strengthen your marriage.
PARENTING
The role of both parents is to empower their children into a disciple of Christ not programmed to be just like them. God's design is for parents to grow with their children through life and through the various seasons they will encounter. Understanding what season a child is in changes how we relate. Each stage presents its own unique set of needs and struggles. For example as a toddler they may need caring and nurture but a late adolescent may need counsel and respect. Knowing the season will better equip us to communicate and raise them into who God created them to be.
BOUNDARIES
Healthy relationships with in-laws often begins with good boundaries. Bishop Jackson says, "They command an unhealthy amount of influence and freely dispense advice and criticism. They manipulate and intrude instead of allowing their kids to live their own lives." With in laws and all relationships having healthy emotional and physical boundaries are important. Boundaries allow us to have thriving healthy relationships without feeling taken advantage of or manipulated.
EPILOGUE
Having a happy and healthy family life takes work and takes a lot of work but we have to start somewhere. Jackson says, "Start where you are. Decide to improve your life and serve your family with excellence."